Today has been good. 81 degrees. I had a photo shoot this morning in the Pearl. I always see the strangest people in the Pearl (not the ones I photographed). I've talked about this in the past. There are so many homeless people, so many mentally challenged people, in the Pearl. It reminds of when I used to take the subway in New York. I learned that I was not supposed to stare at the people, but the people on the subway are so alluring. They are the craziest looking people I have ever seen, and as a teenager from a sheltered Florida suburb, these people were shocking. Once, on an incredibly hot and humid summer day in Manhattan, we were all crammed into the subway. Standing. I was holding onto the silver pole, along with many other hot and sweaty, gritty and smelly people. I must have brushed my hair off of my sweaty neck and my hair must have accidentily touched the woman standing almost pressed up against me. She screamed at me. I looked down at my shoes. She scared the shit out of me. She still scares me now, more than 20 years later. Anyway, the Pearl is filled with many of these kinds of people.
After the photo shoot I went home and we went for ice cream (Mayim and I got vegan and GF cones - that's right, bitches! Vegan and GF soft serve, vanilla and chocolate swirl). Then we went to Salt and Straw for Aaron and Lavi. We bought Ethan a rubik's cube for his birthday tomorrow. Ethan is a kid in Lavi's class. Then home again, even though we were planning on hiking up Mt. Tabor. So lazy. The boys and I watched the movie Popeye. The one with Robin Williams, (still heartbroken). I liked the movie much more when I was a kid. Tonight I found it slow and strange. I nodded off a couple of times. Meh.
Then Thai food take-out.
And now here I am. Here I am.
Nervous about the future. I catch myself worrying and I tell myself that I know why I am worrying, I'm nervous about going to camp. I wish knowing the why of it helped my worries go away. Alas, they stay with me. Sometimes the worrier is noisier than other times. She is difficult. She needs a lot of attention and love. I am confused by this sad little person inside of me. She's so fearful, so worried. I remember when I was that sad little person. I was so scared and so worried. So little. I love her even though she is difficult.