June 6, 2015
Oh my G-d, the PMS. Every month I feel like my body has been hijacked and I no longer have any control over who I am, what I am doing, how I am feeling, the tone in my voice. I cried today, many times, for no good reason. For example, Aaron came home with no La Croix and I had to slink back into the dark bedroom, lay down and cry a little. Ridiculous. It's not me, I swear.
I folded millions of articles of clothing today and got a good chunk of packing done. I worked on the boys' today. I've been organizing, shopping, planning, gathering for months now. It will all come together, I know it will, but the coming together part, the anticipation of it all, is the worst for me. The absolute worst. Anticipation has always been so difficult for me. Today I remembered how anxious my mom was before she left on her trip and that helped calm me down. Also, it is interesting how my anxiety morphs. It presents itself in different ways, it evolves, which is such a pain in the ass. I get used to it effecting me one way, then the next time, I know it is anxiety, but it manifests differently, so I have a difficult time recognizing it and dealing with it. Fucking anxiety. Am I right?
Sleepover. June 6, 2015