It is true. It does not happen all the time, just once in a blue moon. I can’t figure out why she does it. We have two litter boxes. They are clean. Maybe it just feels good to shit in the shower. It’s gross. And rude. Not cool.

WARNING: I AM GOING TO RANT ABOUT MENSTRUATION:

This morning, as you know, I was suffering from a migraine hangover. This is a new piece to my migraine world, the hangover part. I feel totally wiped out the next day. This is also so rude. What a pain. I know my migraines are related to perimenopause. Perimenopause is ridiculous. It is the cherry on top of the insult of being a woman and having to deal with periods. Periods are no fun. I get that it’s beautiful that some women are fortunate because some of us get to have babies in our bellies. But being a woman is hard, people. Menstruation is such a pain. Cramps. Bleeding. Ugh, the bleeding. Tampons are the worst. Pads are THE WORST. Even ovulation is painful for me now. I am so grateful that I am blessed with two amazing kids, but pregnancy is no joke. Zero percent joke. I was so nauseous that for the first and only times in my life, I felt suicidal. With both of my pregnancies. And now, perimenopause is like being teenager again. I have no idea what my cycle will do from month to month. This month I got my period a week early, making it a 20 day cycle. Recently, I had a 12 day cycle. More rudeness. The interesting part is that I am not going to have more pregnancies, but my body doesn’t know that and it keeps on shooting out eggs. Many eggs, I think, considering the amount of stretchy fluid. I think I could have quadruplets some months. And Aaron is A-OK. No bleeding. No monthly migraines, (well, to be fair, he does get migraines once in a blue moon). No ovulation. He’s not even fertile anymore. He got snipped and he is happy as a clam. (Vasectomies are the best. If you have not gotten yours yet, treat your woman like the queen that she is and get your vasectomy ASAP. It is literally the gift that keeps on giving. And if your woman is done with getting pregnant, do her this kindness, this beautiful favor. Worrying about pregnancy for all of our fertile, adult lives is such a pain in the ass. It’s a real turn-off, if you know what I mean).

Everything is OK. It is all OK. Is it Ok to complain?