My worries and anxiety are worse in the evening. And they are worse when I am not busy. I know this about myself, but I am still uncomfortable when I feel it. It is hard to remember the compassion piece. For me, I have had to learn how to have compassion for myself, it is not something that comes naturally to me. I work on it, I do. Sometimes I just completely forget.

Here is what a Saturday during these times looks like at our house: Late wake up. Initially I woke up at 6:45 am. That doesn’t work for me. I put Parks and Rec on my phone, put one ear bud in, and I was out like a light. Woke up again at 9 am. Then I talked with my sisters on a three-way call for about an hour. Aaron made pancakes. I cleaned the kitchen. Folded some laundry. Chatted with Meghan on the phone. Swept part of the upstairs, so much cat and dog fur! Swept the bathroom. Wiped the bathroom counter. Took a very long shower, as is my new daily ritual. Then I had had enough of myself and reality and I escaped to binge watch my show, Friday Night Lights. Which helped, so much. Aaron and Lavi watched a movie in the living room. Super 8. Mayim went back and forth between playing video games in the basement and watching shows in his bed. Aaron started dinner. We went out and cheered at 7pm. Ate dinner. Flamed out. And here I am. In my studio.

I can hear the frogs singing from their pond next door. I love them. The neighbor’s dogwood started blooming. It’s a native variety, I love it so much. The mason bees are doing their thing. I want to plant more veggies. I want to buy a vacuum. I miss my butt wipes that everyone but me hoarded. I read a couple of headlines today, and it was a couple too many. Are you reading a lot of news or are you staying inside your bubble? Sometimes I feel too much and the feelings take me down. Sometimes I feel numb. I think I should try writing this blog in the mornings as well, just to see how my mindset is different at the beginning of the day. I am Negative Nancy right now. I am sorry. Does reading this help you? Make you feel worse? I always like to know how other people are feeling, how they are doing this sheltering thing we are all doing. Usually I imagine that everyone is being extremely productive, doing amazing self-improvement, making the very most out of this shitty, shitty time, and all I could do today was sweep, shower, and binge watch a show.

Let’s get real. We are all doing our best. I am doing my best. I am OK. You are OK. I love you. Write to me. Let me know how you are. Connection is such good medicine. Reach out to me and I will reach out to you.