June 2, 2016

Sunflower and Mayim

Sick Day, Drawing with Sunflower.  June 2, 2016

We are in the thick of getting ready for camp.  I am now waking up in the middle of the night, nervous, excited, thinking and thinking and thinking about the millions of things I need to tie together before we get on that plane.  This morning, I had a phone meeting with a Program Director at camp.  She is at camp right now.  People are traveling from all over the world to get to camp right now.  It is a migration that we all make to this one place.  And I can't explain it.  I can't explain to you why I am so excited to be at camp again.  I'm not a kid, I'm not a camper.  I'm a grown up, with responsibilities.  But I tell you, I cannot wait to drive down that camp road, to see the Hidden Valley sign, to park in the Upper Parking Lot, to walk into camp and smell, smell, smell that scent that is unique to Maine, to Hidden Valley, to the moment in my 20's that I reclaimed myself and my identity.  When I felt again that knowledge that I did not have to be afraid anymore, that I trusted myself again, thankfully. 

I can't explain it.  As an adult at camp, of course it is so different than being a camper.  I work hard, everyday and all day.  And I love working that hard.  I love being immersed in something.  I love being dropped down into this community that exists only in this one time, in this one place and only for a few short months.  I am going back.  It is like a dream, every time.  

I wonder how it is for the boys.  I wonder if they smell that camp smell and also equate it with magic.  I wonder if it as special to them as it was and is for me.  I hope it is.  

I am nervous and anxious and that is my normal.  I'm more superstitious when I'm nervous and anxious.  I am knocking on wood a lot.  And also, puh-puh-puh.