This is the view from my studio in the spring. In April. At 8:00 pm. I love that dogwood so much, this variety of dogwood is one of my favorites. It’s in my neighbor’s yard. First it was Neighbors Ken and Michele. And now it’s Neighbor Nick. Ken and Michele put in a pond and thankfully Nick is keeping it. At this time of year, every year, the frogs in the pond are singing their song. It is wonderful, it feels like we live in the country. They are so loud right now, so many frogs! It’s so romantic. They are all looking for love so they can make some tadpoles. I love them so much.

I have my door open, so I can smell the fire they have burning next door. I can hear the frogs. I can feel the cool breeze. It’s like being at camp. Being at camp is always being outside, even when you’re inside. Many of the cabins and buildings don’t have glass windows, only screens, so you can always smell the outside. I’ve always loved that about camp, especially when I was a kid. Being in Florida is always being inside, behind glass, with the a/c blowing constantly. It never feels like outside.

The weirdest thing is that I’ve been having some good feelings about camp lately. For so long, it was only sadness and loss. Lately, I’ve been able to remember good things. Only snippets, but it’s nice when it happens.

Today was an off day for me. I woke up feeling aimless. It’s so hard to feel like I have any goals right now. Waking up on a Monday morning with not much on my schedule, I felt the hours ahead of me, and I felt lost. No purpose. Uninspired. The day progressed in a not so bad way. I had some coffee, which helps my mood. I ordered some yarn. I did some yoga. And I joined a Zoom that I had never joined before. Then, my day took a turn toward sadness and all I could do was surrender to it. We went for a walk. And then I took myself to bed. I just could not turn it around today. Maybe we’re all feeling similarly at times. A malaise. A tiredness. This is a tiring time. So much to be grateful for. Also, so much to feel heavy hearted about.

School starts tomorrow, which will be a good thing. More community. More structure. A different energy and a different path. Spring break has been sheltering in place. An interesting time. Now it’s time for school. I love structure so much! I will write out my daily schedule every evening this week. I think it will help me feel less overwhelmed.

The frogs took a break, now they are starting up again. Honey Bird is whining at me. We might foster kittens. Animal therapy.