Today has not been a good mental health day. So incredibly sad and anxious. I feel like the mixture of anxiety and depression is a really special place to be. Everything seems to suck. My anxiety level is high, which means I am not balancing things very well. Little things feel huge and overwhelming. Insurmountable. Little, stupid things that in normal times I would handle without even thinking about it, feel out of my ability to handle. Binging Netflix and Hulu feels like the only safe place right now.

The fires went crazy over the weekend and the smoke rolled in on Monday. We’ve been inside since Monday. Now, not only are we in quarantine, but we can’t even go outside. We are the fortunate ones. My heart is breaking for the thousands of people who had to evacuate, who have lost their homes. It feels hard to breathe, not because of the smoke, but because of the suffering all around us. And I hate it. So much. I hope you are safe. I hope you are OK. I hope your families are OK.

I cried at dinner tonight. I’ve been hijacked by my hormones. I am no longer in control. Fucking PMS. Fuck.

Sending you love. Stay safe. Happy birthday, Meghan!!!

puh-puh-puh