September 20, 2020
I am feeling horribly depressed. I think my frown is going to become permanent. My frown lines are going to keep getting deeper and deeper until my frown is frozen on my face. These past two weeks have been such shit. Such total shit. I hate everything and everyone. But not you. Depression is not my normal. I’m normally like a tiny dog, anxious and trembly. Fuck you depression and fuck you anxiety. Fuck you so fucking hard.
I’ve been watching bad tv for the past two days. It’s all I’ve been able to do. I binge watched the second season of Big Little Lies. Not an uplifting show. I miss Schitt’s Creek. I’ve watched them all except for the final season. I’m saving that season. I need something to look forward to.
I wish I could go to school with Mayim. I need to be busy, to be occupied, to be distracted. I could do 6th grade again. That could be fun.
We’ve been watching the How To Train Your Dragon movies in the evenings. I love them. I am still frowning.
When will this madness end?
Ruth Bader Ginsburg passed away on Friday, on Erev Rosh Hashanah. I hope she found the peace that she deserves. She fought her whole entire life for women, for humans, for people. I know we are all crushed by her loss.
I am sharing my depression with you not because I want you to help me or fix me. I am sharing my truth with you so that if you are feeling the horrors of depression and/or anxiety, you might feel less alone. Feeling alone is so painful. I feel squashed by it, isolated, ashamed, lonely. All of these delightful menu items. If you do too, we are in it together. And this too shall pass.
I hope you are well. I hope you are OK. Please know that I am here for you. I am sending you so much love.
puh-puh-puh