When my alarm went off this morning at 6 am I was in the deepest sleep and dreaming about a pet piglet. I hit snooze three times, trying to get back to the piglet. On a regular day, I allow myself to hit snooze twice, only.

I go to therapy on Wednesdays and today I cried through my whole session. Feeling so raw and vulnerable and sensitive. There’s much work to do in therapy and I’m excited to do it. I’m not ready to talk about it here, too shy about it right now. But if you call me and ask about it, I might be able to talk about it, in private.

Then home to work on the photo album for dad. Compiling photos and creating a book takes so many hours. I’ve been procrastinating because choosing the photos feels overwhelming. I have thousands of photos to go through and choose from. I started a folder and I will narrow it down. I want to finish it and send it soon.

Today I volunteered to be one of the drivers for a field trip for Mayim’s 5th grade class. I had three kids in my car, one was Mayim. One of the kids, (not Mayim), was incredibly obnoxious. He was so rude to me. When I was a kid, I was always too scared to even talk to my friend’s parents. I told Mayim that if he ever spoke to anyone like that, he would be in the biggest trouble, ever. We went to the Jewish old folks home. (I bet that’s not the PC way to say it. Apologies.) I was feeling so sad, thinking about my dad. Half of the class played Bingo with the drop-in folks. Many of these folks have memory issues, so all I could think about was my dad. I wondered if he would like to be there, playing Bingo with strangers and some random Jewish kids. I bet he would think the kids were just OK. And I bet he wouldn’t like any of the strangers. The activity before Bingo was playing with balloons. My dad would fucking hate that. I think he would be pissed off. I think he would walk out and tell people to go fuck themselves. I feel OK with that. Balloons suck ass.

The weather for the past few days has been dark and so much rain. It’s like living underwater. It’s disgusting.